Friday, December 29, 2006

The Hot Zone

The Flames of Damnation have warmed our house to the perfect temperature for incubating human pathogens. Don’t even think about coming over unless you don a full-body biohazard suit.

First we had the Virus of Doom (which I personally believe is a sneaky strain of influenza omitted from this year's vaccine cocktail). Then we had Mystery Pustules, which we originally thought was chicken pox but cleared up upon treatment with antibiotics. Then conjunctivitis, complete with green slime oozing from both eyes. And now strep throat.

Right now I’m suffering from three of the four ailments. And I’m sure at any moment Mystery Pustules will start breaking out all over my body.

If I believed in karmic retribution, I’d be scrambling to make amends to everyone I fucked over in a previous life.


Mrs. Blue said...

Girl, I am so sorry!!!! Hope you have lots of fluids and lots of vodka to pair with them. Hugs and happy 2007!

Student Nurse Jack said...

2007 can't get here soon enough for your house. Hang in there!!!

bomas said...

OMG!!!! I am so sorry about the plauge on your house, but you are hilarious.