Blue Funk

It’s been a rough week, mental-health-wise.

Jack has had to go in to work early this week, which means neither of us has gotten to go running most mornings. I think exercise is one of the keys to stabilizing my mood; when I don’t do it, I feel especially shitty.

Another key is adult companionship. It’s ironic: even though I constantly have little ones climbing all over me, I’m desperately lonely. I haven’t gone to the bathroom by myself in over a year, you’d think what I’d really long for is time alone. But I’m so starved for real conversation, I’m tempted to ask the mailman in for coffee.

The kids and I have had plans every day this week, but most of them didn’t involve me getting to talk to another adult. The one day we had friends come over, JJ had a hard-core freakout that culminated in him sobbing, “I need a nap, Mama!” This is such a rare event these days that I shooed our friends out the door, even though I was really enjoying hanging out with another mama. I did get an hour-long nap myself, but what I really needed was more grown-up time.

When I’m lonely, I start feeling like everything is pointless. Why vacuum the floors? They’ll just get dirty again. Ditto for cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, (insert mundane household task here). The result is that the house is a disaster, and that makes everything worse.

I also find myself eating nonstop. Believe me, I know what that’s all about: trying to fill up the void inside myself. It’s not really a full-on binge, it’s just comfort eating. Of course, it doesn’t really help, and since I haven’t been exercising regularly, I’m afraid I’m going to bust out of my pants in short order.

And you know, I really miss Jack. He’ll be working this weekend, too, and that’s sad. We need to make some plans to go out, just the two of us. We need to spend more time talking. We need to have more sex. A lot more sex.

Meanwhile, send a little virtual love my way. Write a comment so I know you’re out there. Maybe you’re lonely, too?